Life and Death

I just saw The Sunset Limited with Rush.  If you have never seen it, it is about a poor black man who saves a professor from jumping in front of a train and they go back to his apartment and have a discussion where the poor man (Samuel L Jackson) tries to convince the professor (Tommy Lee Jones) that he should find God and give life another chance.  The movie progresses and I wont say the end, but the professor gives a monologue where he talks about the futility of life because no matter what happens, life always ends in pain and suffering so why shouldn't people look forward to death.  He is an atheist in the movie and I see some relevance to what he is saying as far as the conflict goes.  I think that part of the problem is and always has been religion.  I know that I just wrote a long blog on how religion isn't the problem, but there is a deeper issue beyond Islam vs. Judaism.  Regardless of the faith, both religions boil down to heading god's word and living forever in the afterlife.  I, myself, am an atheist as well.  However, I can't imagine that, despite all the inevitable pain and suffering in life, it isn't worth it.  Mostly, because there is nothing left afterwards.  Religion teaches us that we need to be kind to our fellow man because that is what god wants us to do.  I disagree.  Religion also says that god will forgive you if you commit a sin.  That you can do almost anything and still live forever in eternal bliss.  In my life, only the person you wrong can forgive you.    You have to make the most of life because there is nothing after it.  I haven't lived the life I would have imagined, mostly because I'm not the person I imagine myself.  But I have come to peace with the man I am and I am happy with that.  I enjoy life.  Even the smallest bits of it, that one moment of happiness in a sea of misery makes it all worth it.  And life is certainly more than a sea of misery.  I love life.  I don't want to hurt anyone else because that is something that I can't take back.  If I end someone's life, however it happens, they are gone and I have taken away those small moments of happiness that make life worth living.  That is why I can't imagine hating someone so much that you want to kill them, to take their home, to cause them pain.  Life is too short for that.  Sometimes I wish that I had gotten my degree in education so that I could travel the world for the rest of my life teaching English in other countries.  To see the whole world for what it is.  Instead, I think I'll do one better.  I'll travel the world trying to make it a better place through hard work and a good example.  I'm not a priest, I'm not a saint, I'm just a man.  But I like to think that I'm a good man and by helping others, I can make this world a nicer place to live.  If I make a difference in even one person's life, it will all be worth it.  If I can find love, even for a day, it is worth a lifetime of loneliness.  And, honestly, I've already done that.  I've seen the world, I've loved a woman, I've been loved by that woman, I've made an impression on a host of different people.  I don't know that it is any type of immortality, but I think it is something.  I would like to think that if I saw a train coming towards me and I had five seconds to live, I would think back on all I've done and be happy.  But I don't have to do that.  I figure I have as much time as I've already lived twice again before I finally have to face that.  I certainly don't want to die old in my bed, but I have so many moments of happiness left to live, that I have no reason to fear death.  I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm ready to do it.  I just wish that the world saw things through my eyes because I think there would be much less pain and suffering.  Much less hate if people lived their lives to their fullest instead of filling themselves with rage and greed and animosity.  But that is a part of life as well.  It will never change.  Religion makes some people love each other and makes another want to kill.  Love does the same.  However, maybe if I can make one other person feel the way I do and they, in turn, make someone else see that way, then I truly have found life eternal.